Seasons Greetings

Like it says above, “Season’s Greetings” to everyone out there! And I’m not referring to Christmas. Although I have to admit, I’m somewhat surprised that I haven’t seen any Christmas decorations up just yet. I mean, it’s already August, the winter festival is just around the corner. It’s never too early to stock up on Santa’s and sleighs and candy canes and all that other gobbledygook that people buy for mass consumption in what has become a nearly three month long event. Oh yeah, I can’t wait for that.

No, when I say “Season’s Greetings” at the end of August, there’s only one thing I’m referring to. Actually, there could be several things that I would be referring to, including, though not in any way being entirely limited to: the new football season starting (both college and professional), the start of a new school year (with new freshmen chicks moving into town), the start of a new hockey season for the recreational league I play in, or the rapid launch of several new video game titles before the winter Christmas Crunch. So yeah, there’s plenty of things to be looking forward to lately, but I’m not here to talk about any of the aforementioned. Today, I really want to talk about Oktoberfest.

More appropriately, I want to talk to you about Oktoberfest style beers. I mention this because this past Monday I went and did something that most single guys are required by law to avoid unless absolutely necessary: I went grocery shopping. Have no fear, though, I’m not turning into some strange cooking creature (read: “woman”). I stick to the manliest of essentials when shopping and hit most of the major manly food groups. This included the frozen pizza group, the salty snack group, the TV dinner group, and milk (because, well, no refrigerator is complete unless there’s a carton of month old milk in the back).

While shopping, I would be remiss if I didn’t journey down the beer aisle to at least take a gander at what America’s brewing companies were offering for my consumption. I wasn’t paying much attention, seeing as how I still feel the need to drink that last fourth of the bottle of bourbon I have, plus the six-pack of milk stout, and the two bottles of chilled sake in the fridge before acquiring any new booze. Now that might seem like a lot of alcohol to you, but let me assure you, I’m the kind of guy who drinks a lot of alcohol. I find that it’s the best way to support domestic businesses (for the record: the sake was brewed and bottled in California).

But lo’ and behold, I did stumble across a case of Sam Adams Oktoberfest Beer. Of all the Sam Adams varieties, and there are numerous ones these days, the Oktoberfest stands near the top in terms of tastiness. But I’ve had that before, and seeing as how Oktoberfest comes but once a year and I can’t get that particular style of beer during any other occasion, I decided to try something I hadn’t had before. And seeing as how I was shopping in a grocery store (note the fact that I was there to buy groceries) and not a specialty beer shop, the selection of micro brewed seasonal beers was somewhat lacking. But that’s ok, I have until the end of Oktober to venture forth and soak up all the seasonal style beers. So, in the end, I selected a six-pack of Blue Moon’s Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale.

Now there’s a difference between an Oktoberfest beer (known as Oktoberfestbier in Germany) and a spiced pumpkin ale. Both are available during the same time, the end of August until the end of October. And since it’s the end of August, I’m going to start enjoying both styles of beer now, while I can. And just so you know, I’m about halfway done with the Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale. My only hope is that I’ll finish writing before I finish my beer. Otherwise, I’ll have to get up and go get another beer. And I think we all know I’m loath to make that much effort.

In my continuing struggle to educate the masses on the wonders and intricacies of alcohol of all shapes, colors, flavors, and varieties, I will now attempt to disclose the inherent differences of these two seasonal fall brews. The traditional Oktoberfest beer is a Maerzen lager that is reddish in color, rich and smooth, exceptionally malty (but not too sweet), and with a complexity of added spices. The more contemporary Oktoberfestbier is fairly similar, but is lighter and paler to entice a more diverse crowd.

Pumpkin ale is similar in color, though it tends to be a bit lighter than traditional Maerzen. Similarly, the pumpkin ales also contain a strong malty backbone. The big difference is that pumpkin ales use pumpkins for flavoring. I’m guessing that’s how they came up with the name, though I can’t be entirely sure, I have been misled before. Brewers use freshly chopped pumpkins, a puree, or other natural or artificial pumpkin flavorings to get their desired taste. In addition, pumpkin style spices are employed as well. This can include nutmeg, cinnamon, and cloves.

Though I usually group these two beers together main because they’re both malty, include spices, and come out at the same time of year, they are decidedly different beers. I think, in the long run, I prefer the pumpkin ale. But then again, there is something to be said for a true Maerzen beer, since it has been around for over 130 years. What can I say? I’m a sucker for tradition.

As for my recently purchased Blue Moon’s Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale… well, I’d have to say it’s a pretty decent beer. If you like Oktoberfest style or pumpkin ale style beers, you certainly can’t go wrong with it. Personally I think that there are better spiced pumpkin ale’s out there, but since Blue Moon is owned by Coors Brewing Co, it has much larger distribution than many other specialty and local beers. Therefore, it should be easy to find in your local grocery store, whereas many other seasonal brews can only be found in specialty beer shops.

Well, I’m about done with my beer, my second beer of the afternoon, actually. I’m beginning to think that drinking and writing many not be inclusively conducive. I have no idea if that last little word pairing is grammatically correct, or even if it makes sense, but I do know that it kind of rhymes. And after two beers, I just don’t really care about making sense anymore.

I Do

Who would have thought that two little words would fill me with such dread and antipathy? I mean, they’re just words, right? What can two meaningless words, comprised of only three letters even, possibly wrought to affect me? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure, but I’m still scared of them. Scared out of my commitment fearing mind.

Luckily I’ve been able to avoid that particular phrase all the way up to this point in my life. Many of my friends haven’t been as fortunate (is fortunate the right word there?). My friend Andy got married almost two years ago, Jeremy had already tied the knot by that point, Frank got married this past weekend, and Jim is getting hitched in December (or so he says, that boy is notorious for changing his plans at the last second). I swear my high school buddies are dropping like flies all around me. I’m worried that one day the marriage bug will eventually hit me.

I bring this up because my friend Frank was wed recently. As I previously mentioned, he’s the latest in a long line of high school chums that have bit the dust, so to speak. And seeing how Frank is such an awesome guy (and he really is), I made the trek all the way up to the Land of Mary just to attend the festivities. I just hope he knows the seriousness of dragging me across two states just to watch his bachelorhood get buried. I mean, taking the time out of my schedule to go a frat party 300 miles away is no big deal. But suffering in a car for six hours for the sole purpose of watching a dear friend consign to what I consider to be an inconceivable error? Frank better know how lucky he is to have such a committed friend like me.

There was an upside to the weekend though. Free booze. That’s right, say it with me now, “free booze.” Now there are two words that’ll put a smile on my face. It’s a few more letters than the earlier scriptural pairing, but I think it has a much warmer, more soothing feel to it. Coincidentally, the alcohol itself tends to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And I’m pretty sure everyone likes to feel warm and fuzzy. But, as I alluded to earlier, this was no frat party, this was a wedding. I had to be on my best behavior… or rather, what passes as my best behavior after five or six drinks in an unfamiliar local.

Luckily there was an even more important reason to imbibe this weekend besides the fact that it was a wedding and there was alcohol aplenty… and the fact that I pretty much drink whenever I can get the chance… and well, do I really need a reason to drink? Frank made sure to have in attendance on his wedding day one keg of locally brewed beer and three separate varieties of bottled home brew. Now, for those of you who don’t normally have much to do with the small cap beers, allow me to enlighten you. Local brews are beers brewed locally. I came up with that all by myself, if you can believe it.

Seriously though, local brews are good stuff. They’re usually restaurants or small breweries that distribute beer only within very regional confines. Some of my favorite beers are made in my home state of North Carolina and only circulated inside its boarders. What can I say? I enjoy helping out the local mom and pop enterprises. And it doesn’t hurt that the breweries around here make some damned fine libations.

But homebrews are a little bit different. If you can’t tell by the word choice there, they’re actually made in a person’s home and are generally not made for profit (I’m just Captain Obvious today, aren’t I?). Homebrewers like to experiment and come up with not only new flavorings in beer, but also to tweak the tastes of existing beers. I’ve only had the pleasure of sampling a few homebrews before, but with a little bit of ingenuity and the right ingredients, I know a dedicated homebrewer can make a pretty good beer. Unfortunately it can get expensive when you factor in the costs of bottles and caps and other beer storage needs.

Frank and some of his friends have been cooking up their own beer for a few years now, and I tasted one of their recipes before and found it quite to my liking. I was especially happy to see that all three homebrews present at the wedding were new to me. In attendance were a raspberry wheat ale, an Irish red, and a rather nice amber. I was determined to try them all since each one seemed intriguing in its own right. My findings are as follows (in order of decreasing awesomeness): The amber beer was very good, as both Frank and Danny (the brewers) had advertised, the Irish red was pleasantly flavorsome and enjoyable, but the raspberry wheat ale I found to be a bit too fruity for my tastes. As a general rule, fruity beer equals not good beer. Well, unless you’re a chick, chicks like fruity stuff.

So I have to say, Frank’s wedding turned out to be an enjoyable event all around. However, this didn’t stop me from attempting to do what I resolutely consider my hallowed responsibility in this life. The night before the wedding, as the rehearsal dinner was winding down, I took Frank to the side and gave him the same advice I try to give every man just before his wedding day: RUN! Run and don’t look back! You know, for some strange reason, people never seem to take my advice. I really don’t know why either.

To his credit, Frank didn’t run. Even when a good family friend who had known his grandfather for many long years gave him the same advice (including offering to foot the bill for a one person plane ticket to the Bahamas), Frank stayed the course. That boy must be in love or something (ever notice how “love” is a four lettered word? I’m just putting that out there). Though in his defense Rosa, his fiancé, seems like a very nice young lady. Fiancé? No, they’re married now, Rosa is his wife. Wow, wife (yet another four letter word, amazing how these things keep piling up, huh?), it’s going to take me some time before I get used to using that word. I still have a hard time remembering to refer to Laura as Andy’s wife, not his girlfriend, and they’ve been married for two years! Sometimes I think I’m not really one of the fastest Hotwheels in the boxed set, if you know what I mean.

So what have we learned today? We learned that it’s okay to get married as long as you brew your own beer for the wedding. We also learned that “love”, “wife”, “girl”, and “commitment” are all four letter words, carrying eerily similar connotations with all those other four lettered words that aren’t exactly conversationally polite (oh, and don’t even try to tell me that “commitment” isn’t a four letter word, you can count all you want, but I’ve spent the better part of my twenty-four year existence proving that one particular obtuse fact, so please, don’t challenge me on this). And finally, we learned that weddings are really just funerals for a man’s single existence and all that he once was. Furthermore, the death of his bachelorhood is the necessary reagent that opens up the possibility of a new beginning of marriage and couplehood. It’s the Circle of Life (hey, I’m pontificating here, it doesn’t happen very often, just go with it). I might also be wise to point out that I’ve learned all I know about life from Disney movies. Go figure.

Light Beer vs. Dark Beer: The Showdown

I want to start off by saying that yes, this is a complete rip off of National Lampoon’s Van Wilder. But this is such an important topic, I thought that it needed to be studied in detail. And seeing as how the movie didn’t go into the intricacies of light and dark beers, I shall attempt to do it here. So prepare yourself! You’re about to take a journey into the depths of your own soul. Or maybe it’s the journey to the bottom of a bottle, I’ll let you decide.

First things first, I’m going to have to define the many different varieties of beer to put them in either of the two categories. I will be leaving out some types of beer if they fail to fit into one of the categories properly. In the category of light beer I will include: Belgian Wheat Ales, Hefeweizen, American Wheat Ales, Pilsners, American Standard Beers (Budweiser, Coors Original, etc.), and American Light Beers (Bud Light, Coors Light, etc.). In the category of dark beer I will include: Brown Ales and Nut Brown Ales, Porters, Stouts, and German Bocks. I have left out most Amber beers, Pale Ales, IPA’s, Oktoberfest beers, and other seasonal brews for this discussion because they are either in between light and dark in terms of color and body or they have other unique characteristics that fall into neither camp.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, we can begin our discussion. The first thing I want you at home to do is to pour yourself a glass of your favorite beer. Not only will you be able to sample firsthand the characteristics of the beer while I talk about it, but you will also introduce alcohol into your system. And I have found that when talking about beer, it’s a good idea to already have that alcohol flowing through your bloodstream. Go ahead, I’ll wait for you to grab a beer out of the fridge, I don’t have anywhere else to be right now.

The most important characteristics that will divide the beers are color, body, and flavor. The color of the beer describes what you can see. Light beers tend to range from light orange or amber to almost pure white, while dark beers start from a deep amber in color and end up in opaque black. The body of a beer will vary from light to medium to heavy. Light beers tend to be lighter in body while dark beers tend to be heavier. This will affect how easy it is to drink a particular beer and how filling it will ultimately be. Meanwhile, beers can be flavored with hops or malt and can be bitter or sweet. The composition of the beers ingredients and the method it is fermented will usually decide the beer’s flavor.

Let’s talk about color! How important is a beer’s color to you? No seriously, I want you to stop and think for just a minute about that. What does a beer’s color mean to you? Does it make the beer look tasty and refreshing? Does it alert you to what flavors you should expect from the beer? These are all important questions that you should keep in mind when analyzing your beer.

I hate to say this, but when it comes to color, its pretty much all in the eye of the beholder. The color of the beer is a unique distinction that needs to be mentioned, and it hints at what other characteristics you can expect from the beer, but it is not what ultimately makes or breaks a beer. Flavor will make the beer. Color is a matter of preference that is derived from your taste in beer. Suffice it to say that color, although important in alerting your other senses, does little to adequately score points in this battle of the beers.

Now then, we can move on to a discussion about body. And no I’m not talking about Carmen Electra, I’m talking about beer! We will talk about Carmen another time, with lots of pictures, mainly in bikinis... Lighter beers tend to have lighter bodies and are therefore easier to drink and tend to be less filling. Meanwhile dark beers have heavier bodies which make them harder to drink and more filling. I think everyone knows that drinking Guinness, arguably the most popular dark beer, is like eating a whole loaf bread, in a pint glass. Thus, we can make one important distinction:

Light beers are easier to chug and therefore, much easier to drink quickly and get drunk quickly. I think this is quite evident on the collegiate campus where light beers appear in abundance. Score one point for light beers, they win the college crowd. Just take into mind that this point does not come from taste or the flavor of the beer, but from its ease of drinking and affordability to quickly and efficiently get coeds drunk. But hey, I’m ok with that. Drunk: it’s a noble goal.

Now let’s talk about taste. Which beers taste better? This of course, is a matter of opinion, but I want to go through it logically and methodically. First off, I want to throw out all American Standard and Light beers because, well they suck. They are pale and have a low hop flavor with an emphasis on having less actual flavor and taste making them go down more like water. Enough said. Ok, moving on. Belgian and American Wheat Ales and Hefeweizen have a very light and slightly fruity aroma and taste sweeter than other beers. Pilsners, on the other hand, taste highly of hops and they leave a cool and clean feeling on the pallet.

Dark beers have a different range of flavors. Brown Ales tend to have a nutty flavor as exemplified by Newcastle Brown Ale. Porters are very thick beers that are usually somewhat bitter and taste heavily of hops and malt (the two main ingredients of beer). Stouts are similar to Porters in that they are both very thick and heavy beers. Most Stouts tend to be bitter and dry, while some Stouts can be sweeter and creamier. German Bocks are your classic dark rich beer flavor with very little in the way of hops.

I know that most people drink lighter beers and that light beers outsell dark ones in the USA. But I’m still giving this point to dark beers. The problem with the statistics here is that all American Standard beers are light beers, and the Big Three (Budweiser, Coors, and Miller) have a stranglehold on the marketplace with their enormous advertising budgets and distribution networks. As I said before, I’m throwing these beers out. Anheuser-Busch continues the trend to make its beer taste more like water with its Budweiser Select and Michelob Ultra labels. And I don’t applaud bottle water marketed as beer. Furthermore, some light beers have a fruity and sweet taste, and I stand on record right now saying that anything that is fruity is not beer. So, throw out the Big Three from the US and the fruity stuff, and you end up with dark beer winning in the taste category.

My final category, which I failed to allude to earlier, is chicks. What kind of beer do chicks drink? And yes, it is important. If you can’t get the girls to drink beer, then what’s the point of buying the beer in the first place? For isn’t existence just a long overdone attempt to get girls drunk? I imagine cavemen were offering primitive moonshine to the more attractive pre homo-sapiens women in an attempt to get under their leopard skins. How else do you think those hideously hairy cavemen got lucky? So, what kind of beer do chicks drink? Hefeweizen and Belgian Wheat Ales tend to be popular among the ladies, as do other styles of light beer. Women just don’t seem to have a pallet for the dark beers. And that makes this point go to light beer.

So at the end of the day and the end of this story, we have a final score: Light Beer 2 – Dark Beer 1. Light beer wins the showdown. Personally, I’m a fan of dark beers, Stouts most especially, so it pains me to see my chosen beer go down on the field of battle. But that’s ok, people’s tastes change over time, and maybe one day dark beer can win this fight. But until that time, I will be right here, continuously providing you with all of the important facts and semi-truths of beer, liquor, and alcohol in general. It is a never-ending quest, and my promise to you that I will continue to explore the world of beer and bring you only the most important and critical information. So until next time, drink up!

Enjoying Our Glorious Yellow Sun

One of my favorite things to do during the summertime is to lay out at the pool, soak up some sun, and enjoy a few ice cold beers. It is just very relaxing. Then sun beats down and warms you up, the water is nice and cool, and the atmosphere is very quiet and serene. Of course, it’s all about the beer. Nothing is more relaxing like an ice cold beer on a warm summer day. Seriously, it rocks my world.

The reason I’m able to do all of this on a Wednesday afternoon is because I have the day off of work. And that is just a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, there’s a slight problem with that. I had a meeting today at work that I had to attend, even though it was my day off. Well, no one said I had to be sober at the meeting. You pretty much have to assume that if I have the day off, I’m going to be drinking alcohol of some sort during the day.

Drinking three beers, while absorbing the sun for an hour and a half, isn’t going to get me plastered, so it’s not a big deal. But then again, the sun beating down and dehydrating me might help lighten my head a bit. Let’s be honest, drinking heavily and getting lots of sun isn’t exactly the healthiest thing. Luckily I planned ahead and drank as much water as I could before going out. That helps. But being tipsy and light headed at a staff meeting, helps even more.

I want to start off by saying that I don’t have a problem with alcohol. So that being said, I needed that beer. It was my day off, and I was being forced to go into work for some silly meeting. I had to sit there for an hour and listen to the management types tell me all about things I already knew. But then again, in their defense, they did give me a hand out. Whoop-de-friggin-doo. As I said, I was luckily not entirely sober for the meeting. It made time pass much, much quicker.

The meeting was completely boring, nothing important to say, and nothing important to decide. This is why I had to come in on my day off. Then at the end of the meeting, they asked for our opinions. My personal opinion is that Spiderman is a much cooler superhero than Superman. I mean, Superman’s worthless against a tiny pebble. You could make a nose ring out of kryptonite and any Goth kid could wipe the floor with the so called “Man of Steel.”

Luckily I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut at the meeting. I’m relatively sure that my opinions of the many comic book superheroes were not what they were asking for. I guess I had sobered up somewhat by the end of the meeting. Still, I really wish I had brought my flask with me. I could have used a swig or two of bourbon in there somewhere. And remember, I do not have a problem with alcohol. I mean, I have no problems drinking it whatsoever. I like alcohol, and it likes me. Just so you know.

Seriously though, I’ve never been a big fan of Superman. He’s pretty much all powerful, except for his one weakness. And for some strange reason, it seems that all of his enemies know his weakness, and they usually are able to find some bits of kryptonite, even though it’s an extremely rare rock from the now dead planet Krypton. Sounds convenient.

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to judge though. Superman debuted back in 1938. It was a simpler time back then, there weren’t as many other superheroes running about with all sorts of crazy powers. Superman is an archetype, he just showed up whenever the day needed saving. And back in the 1940’s and 1950’s that’s all you needed.

Over time though, Superman wasn’t enough by himself. In the 1960’s you had the creation of the Justice League. Here they teamed Superman up with Wonder Woman, the Green Lantern, Flash, Batman, Aquaman, and the Martian Manhunter. Ok, so having one guy who’s practically invincible isn’t good enough. Apparently, you need a whole team of superheroes to fight Lex Luthor. I don’t get it. Do all these guys really need to team up? Well, Aquaman definitely needs help. I mean, he’s as worthless as a fish out of water, literally.

I think Superman’s main problem is his code of conduct. He has way too many ethics. I mean, Lex Luthor is the most diabolical guy around, trying every two-bit scheme he can think of to get rid of Metropolis’s most famous superhero. Honestly, I think if Superman showed up once a week to kick Luthor in the balls (even if he hasn’t done anything that particular week) it would make his life a whole lot easier. I mean, you know he’s not innocent, so go ahead and give him a good swift taste of justice once a week… in the balls. That should solve many of his problems.

I could not be a superhero. The whole “not killing” thing just wouldn’t rest well with me. I mean, the bad guys kill all the time. They do horrible things. If you just left it up to the local law enforcement, then the SWAT team would come in, and kill off all the bad guys. So why can’t superheroes be like the SWAT team? I know, I know, the good guys aren’t supposed to do “evil” things. But I know after about the 18th time my arch nemesis took an entire city hostage in a plot to take over the world, I’d start to think, “You know, if I killed that guy, I just might be able to take that vacation to Hawaii next month,” (the only thing I can think of that’s better than drinking beer at the pool, is drinking beer at a pool in Hawaii).

Ok, so I would technically be a bad superhero. But I’d be pretty darned effective, if I do say so myself. Most bad guys wouldn’t want to mess with me if they knew their lives might be forfeit, or at the very least their family jewels might get shaken up. And if I was a superhero, I wouldn’t hang around in a city like Metropolis, or Gotham, or even New York, I’d be protecting the vital islands of Hawaii. Would you want a super villain to control Hawaii? I didn’t think so.

Even with all that said, I will be going out this weekend to see the new Superman Returns movie. I can’t help it, I’m a sucker for both Marvel and DC properties. But this time around, I will be hoping Lex Luthor can pull it out and finish off the Man of Steel. The way I see it, Luthor is the underdog and Superman is the overloaded bully trying to keep him down. And just once, I would like to see evil triumph. Is that too much to ask? I guess so. I’m sure this movie will end very predictably, with Superman saving the day. Well, maybe you’ll get him next time Luthor… maybe next time.

Beer or Wine? Either Way, You’re Drunk.

According to a recent Gallup Poll, the amount of people in America who prefer wine as their alcohol of choice now equals that of beer. This is a big change since beer has long been the favorite spirit for American drinkers. Unlike most people, I saw this shift coming. All you have to do is look at the biggest alcoholics in the country, college students. Apparently keg parties are no longer in style. It’s the boxed wine party that’s all the rage at the frat houses these days. And forget your beer bong, just drink straight from the wine bottle. Just imagine the youth of America doing keg stands on boxes of cheap wine. Hey, it’s possible.

The study goes on to state that Americans’ taste in wine has changed as well. It seems we now enjoy the cheaper, less sophisticated wine. Yet, beer drinks have been switching to the more expensive, more developed microbrews. Why is this? People now realize that drinking wine gets you drunk. Amazing. It doesn’t matter if you know the difference between a pinot grigio and a pinot noir, because a three-dollar bottle of wine is more than enough to make you forget the worries of your day.

But why the change in beer preferences? Why does the exact opposite happen to beer drinkers? The answer is much more complicated. Apparently, people like to drink things that taste good. Ok, maybe that wasn’t so complicated. Less people are drinking beer for the sole purpose of getting drunk. Nowadays, people drink beer for enjoyment, and as such, they want an enjoyable beer to drink. Cheap beer isn’t exactly tasty. It’s more like refuse from a third grade science project gone wrong. You might as well pay the extra fifty cents a bottle to drink something that is actually fit to go down a human throat.

I think we need to look at the bigger picture here. Our society is changing. We are no longer the beer guzzling, burger eating alcoholics we once were. We have evolved. We are now calamari eating alcoholic winos. And yes, I’m sure this is a step up. No more beer guts for the guys. And I’m sure wine-breath smells much nicer than beer-breath. You can also thank wine for not being carbonated like beer, hence no belching.

So, I say to you: its time to jump on the bandwagon. This Sunday, when you’re getting together with the guys to watch football, why not bring over a bottle of wine or two instead of the usual six pack? Just don’t worry about bringing the wine glasses. Wine tastes just as well out of a pint glass as it does out of a wine glass, and you can fit more into a pint glass. I’m perfectly sure that none of your friends will laugh at you. And by that I mean that they will laugh at you, a lot. Just remind them that they all have beer bellies, and you don’t.

In this low carb age, liquor has become more popular. Both beer and wine are loaded with carbs, but liquor, depending on the type, isn’t. Single malt scotch, for example, has absolutely no carbs. Of course, with liquor you must be watchful of your mixer since it can add a lot of carbs to your drink. The usual soda or fruit juices aren’t an option anymore. For scotch, that isn’t a problem, you are supposed to drink it by itself or with a splash of water. But what to do with vodka? Vodka and water just doesn’t go together well. Yet vodka and skim milk does go together. Well, maybe not, but it’s better than vodka and water. And not only are you avoiding carbs, but you’re getting some well-deserved calcium as well. See, alcohol can be very healthy as well as intoxicating.

If you do decide to drink, no matter what your potable of choice is, I must urge you to do one thing. It is most vital to the safety and welfare of our nation. Please, when drinking, buy domestic. If you’re going to be killing your brain cells and lowering your inhibitions for no good reason, the least you could do is to think of the American economy, and all those hard working folks that labor day after day to bring you the much needed booze that you desire. The men and women who work in the breweries and distilleries and wineries have kids and spouses to take care of. They are planning for college and retirement, and they can’t do it without your hard earned dollars. Buying domestic brands makes a difference. Yes, even as an alcoholic, you can make a difference.