Enjoying Our Glorious Yellow Sun

One of my favorite things to do during the summertime is to lay out at the pool, soak up some sun, and enjoy a few ice cold beers. It is just very relaxing. Then sun beats down and warms you up, the water is nice and cool, and the atmosphere is very quiet and serene. Of course, it’s all about the beer. Nothing is more relaxing like an ice cold beer on a warm summer day. Seriously, it rocks my world.

The reason I’m able to do all of this on a Wednesday afternoon is because I have the day off of work. And that is just a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, there’s a slight problem with that. I had a meeting today at work that I had to attend, even though it was my day off. Well, no one said I had to be sober at the meeting. You pretty much have to assume that if I have the day off, I’m going to be drinking alcohol of some sort during the day.

Drinking three beers, while absorbing the sun for an hour and a half, isn’t going to get me plastered, so it’s not a big deal. But then again, the sun beating down and dehydrating me might help lighten my head a bit. Let’s be honest, drinking heavily and getting lots of sun isn’t exactly the healthiest thing. Luckily I planned ahead and drank as much water as I could before going out. That helps. But being tipsy and light headed at a staff meeting, helps even more.

I want to start off by saying that I don’t have a problem with alcohol. So that being said, I needed that beer. It was my day off, and I was being forced to go into work for some silly meeting. I had to sit there for an hour and listen to the management types tell me all about things I already knew. But then again, in their defense, they did give me a hand out. Whoop-de-friggin-doo. As I said, I was luckily not entirely sober for the meeting. It made time pass much, much quicker.

The meeting was completely boring, nothing important to say, and nothing important to decide. This is why I had to come in on my day off. Then at the end of the meeting, they asked for our opinions. My personal opinion is that Spiderman is a much cooler superhero than Superman. I mean, Superman’s worthless against a tiny pebble. You could make a nose ring out of kryptonite and any Goth kid could wipe the floor with the so called “Man of Steel.”

Luckily I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut at the meeting. I’m relatively sure that my opinions of the many comic book superheroes were not what they were asking for. I guess I had sobered up somewhat by the end of the meeting. Still, I really wish I had brought my flask with me. I could have used a swig or two of bourbon in there somewhere. And remember, I do not have a problem with alcohol. I mean, I have no problems drinking it whatsoever. I like alcohol, and it likes me. Just so you know.

Seriously though, I’ve never been a big fan of Superman. He’s pretty much all powerful, except for his one weakness. And for some strange reason, it seems that all of his enemies know his weakness, and they usually are able to find some bits of kryptonite, even though it’s an extremely rare rock from the now dead planet Krypton. Sounds convenient.

I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to judge though. Superman debuted back in 1938. It was a simpler time back then, there weren’t as many other superheroes running about with all sorts of crazy powers. Superman is an archetype, he just showed up whenever the day needed saving. And back in the 1940’s and 1950’s that’s all you needed.

Over time though, Superman wasn’t enough by himself. In the 1960’s you had the creation of the Justice League. Here they teamed Superman up with Wonder Woman, the Green Lantern, Flash, Batman, Aquaman, and the Martian Manhunter. Ok, so having one guy who’s practically invincible isn’t good enough. Apparently, you need a whole team of superheroes to fight Lex Luthor. I don’t get it. Do all these guys really need to team up? Well, Aquaman definitely needs help. I mean, he’s as worthless as a fish out of water, literally.

I think Superman’s main problem is his code of conduct. He has way too many ethics. I mean, Lex Luthor is the most diabolical guy around, trying every two-bit scheme he can think of to get rid of Metropolis’s most famous superhero. Honestly, I think if Superman showed up once a week to kick Luthor in the balls (even if he hasn’t done anything that particular week) it would make his life a whole lot easier. I mean, you know he’s not innocent, so go ahead and give him a good swift taste of justice once a week… in the balls. That should solve many of his problems.

I could not be a superhero. The whole “not killing” thing just wouldn’t rest well with me. I mean, the bad guys kill all the time. They do horrible things. If you just left it up to the local law enforcement, then the SWAT team would come in, and kill off all the bad guys. So why can’t superheroes be like the SWAT team? I know, I know, the good guys aren’t supposed to do “evil” things. But I know after about the 18th time my arch nemesis took an entire city hostage in a plot to take over the world, I’d start to think, “You know, if I killed that guy, I just might be able to take that vacation to Hawaii next month,” (the only thing I can think of that’s better than drinking beer at the pool, is drinking beer at a pool in Hawaii).

Ok, so I would technically be a bad superhero. But I’d be pretty darned effective, if I do say so myself. Most bad guys wouldn’t want to mess with me if they knew their lives might be forfeit, or at the very least their family jewels might get shaken up. And if I was a superhero, I wouldn’t hang around in a city like Metropolis, or Gotham, or even New York, I’d be protecting the vital islands of Hawaii. Would you want a super villain to control Hawaii? I didn’t think so.

Even with all that said, I will be going out this weekend to see the new Superman Returns movie. I can’t help it, I’m a sucker for both Marvel and DC properties. But this time around, I will be hoping Lex Luthor can pull it out and finish off the Man of Steel. The way I see it, Luthor is the underdog and Superman is the overloaded bully trying to keep him down. And just once, I would like to see evil triumph. Is that too much to ask? I guess so. I’m sure this movie will end very predictably, with Superman saving the day. Well, maybe you’ll get him next time Luthor… maybe next time.