Well, I haven’t talked about video games in a while, so I think it’s time I did. Mainly I want to talk about my Wii. Hey, I’m a guy, I’m obsessed with my Wii. That’s just how it is. And I’m going to brag about it as much as possible, because I have one and many of you out there don’t. So Nyah!
My renewed interest in gaming has been brought on partially by my friend Anthony who is staying with me until the end of the week. We’ve been battling back and forth on some Wii Sports, and I’ve narrowly missed being hit in the head on multiple occasions. As it turns out, Anthony really gets into his tennis. On a whim, I ran out yesterday and bought Madden 2007 (that’s NFL Football for those of you living in caves out there). The new version of Madden comes out on August 14th, so the price of the old game has dropped considerably. And in this age of $600 priced consoles, I need every single dollar I can save. For the record, for six hundred friggin dollars, that Sony console better damn well transform into Blaster or at least Soundwave.
If you haven’t played Madden on the Wii, then you haven’t played Madden football before. I mean, wow. The controls aren’t perfect, and it takes a little getting used to, but the game is sheer awesomeness. You know, if awesomeness was tangible and you could turn it into a compact disc and shove it into my Nintendo, then yeah, that’d be Madden. I can only expect that the next installment is going to be even better. My only real reason for picking up an updated copy of the game in two months would be to get Devin Hester’s upgraded performance. Oh yeah, Chicago is going to be the best team in the game just because you’ll be able to run back every kick off with them.
I’m not sure if I have to say this, but I spent the better part of the day yesterday playing simulated football. It was fun, it was a fresh new way to play Madden, and it was tiring. In fact, my arms are still a bit sore from attempting to get Rex Grossman to rifle the ball to his receivers. A “laser-rocket” arm, he has not. Well, ok, maybe I only passed to Muhsin Muhammad, but in my defense, Chicago really isn’t much of a well rounded passing team.
The moral of this story? My arm hurts. And to top it off, I have a hockey game tonight. If we lose our hockey game, well, it’s just going to be EA’s fault. And I have absolutely no qualms about blaming my lack of ability on a video game designer. Pride is not something I worry about too often. On the plus side, my Wii-antics are actually a great form of exercise. According to a U.K. study, playing 12 hours of Wii Sports a week will burn off an estimated 1,800 calories. That could translate into a weight loss of 12 kilograms (or 26.4 pounds for those of you not entirely comfortable with alien metrics) over a prolonged period of time.
This shouldn’t be anything new. I mean, playing with my Wii has always burned off a few extra calories at the end of the day. And I’ve always found that playing with my Wii is a great way to jump start my morning and get me energized. Now I have scientific proof (and yes, one study conducted across the Atlantic does qualify as infallible proof) that playing with my Wii is good for my body. I just think I should point out that girls can get a fantastic work out as well by coming over and playing with my Wii. Every girl who has gotten her hands on my Wii so far has enjoyed it immensely. I’m just putting that out there.
Well, if we’re done with the double entendres (and I’m not entirely sure that I am just yet), we can move on to more important matters: football. I hadn’t realized how much I missed the sport until I eviscerated a guy with Brian Urlacher yesterday. Seriously, that was awesome. I can’t wait to see him do that in real life. And I only have to wait until the season starts on Sunday, September 9th. That’s not too far off now, is it?
No seriously, football season needs to hurry up. If for no other reason then it will give the guys on Sports Center something to talk about. The NBA finals and NHL finals are both over, and were both skipped over by the mass of the populace. Although I’m sure the three people watching game five of the Stanley Cup enjoyed it immeasurably. And let’s be honest with ourselves here, you can only say so much about baseball.
And so the countdown begins. The NFL draft is over, along with free-agency for the off-season, so now it’s time to size up all of the teams and pick out our favorites to win. Or it would be if that made any sense. Yes, sure the Patriots had great off-season acquisitions, and sure the Chargers may have problems without a coaching staff (I think one of the janitors got promoted to offensive coordinator) and for sure the Bears will make the playoffs again if only for the sole reason that their division sucks (and I mean no offense to Brett Farve, but aside from Chicago’s defense, the NFC north doesn’t have much to be lauded these days). But I was thinking, and really, this is just a crazy idea, that maybe we should wait until the actual season starts before we go all crazy with our football-talk. I mean, after the first two weeks, all of the guys on ESPN will be switching their picks for conference winners anyway. So do you think you can spare me from some of the needless confabulation now? Maybe…? No? No, I didn’t think so. Guess I’ll just have to watch cartoons instead of ESPN until the season starts. Darn.
And just for the record, I don’t care if Rex Grossman isn’t a Peyton Manning, or a Tom Brady, or a Donovan McNabb, or even a Jeff Garcia, or that third string guy who plays for the 49ers (he may have completed a pass once or twice in his life, I think)… I really don’t care about any of that, Rex is still my hero.
Don’t forget, only two more weeks until the new Transformers movie (for better or worse). As I have been compulsorily required to do by my love of all things Transformers, here is this week’s quote:
“Me Grimlock no bozo. Me king!”
-Grimlock
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I Wanna Be Like Mike
Anyone see the basketball game last night? San Antonio beat Cleveland 75 to 72 in game three of the NBA Championships in what was the second lowest scoring game in finals history. If you missed it, I don’t blame you. I’m not much for watching the NBA myself, but I do try to catch some playoff games when I get the chance. Occasionally they can be entertaining.
Unfortunately I can’t say that for last night. With only a combined 147 total points, it was the slowest game in history for the finals, save for one other game. And that game was in 1955 when Fort Wayne beat Syracuse 74 to 71. If you know the mascots for these two teams, then you’re truly a better man than I. Heck, my dad wasn’t even born back in 1955.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that last night’s game was boring, incredibly so. Well, if you tuned in for the final say, three minutes, then you saw an exciting, down to the wire, game. But otherwise the game was merely a showcase for bad shooting, balls bouncing out of the rim, and refs forgetting how to call fouls against the Spurs (then again, that’s nothing new, just ask Steve Nash). But hey, the Spurs now have a 3-0 stranglehold on the Finals against the Cavaliers, so I’m happy.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against LeBron James. I mean, he’s younger than me, insanely famous, and Nike gave him $90 million before he played even on single NBA game. But hey, I’m not jealous or anything. Nope, not one bit… But I do have a problem with King James, and it is not in any way his fault. It’s all these stupid announcers and sports writers. For some reason, they keep saying he’s the next Michael Jordan.
Everybody is always looking for the next Michael Jordan, the next “big thing.” At one time they thought it might be Kobe Bryant or even Dwyane Wade. But now, it’s all about LeBron. If I do one thing in my life, I’m going to set the record straight. There is only one Michael Jordan. And he was born in Brooklyn, NY, went to high school in Wilmington, NC, attended the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, scored the game winning shot in the 1982 NCAA Finals and went on to win six, count ‘em, six NBA Championships with the Chicago Bulls. No one else even compares.
Now I might be a bit biased in this view. I was born in Illinois and therefore I have an affinity for Chicago based teams. I might also be biased because I’m an alumnus of Chapel Hill and the name Jordan is still 24 karat gold in that town. Or it might just be that I’m tired of hearing the same old tripe shit from TV announcers and I’m ready to move on already. Michael Jordan is the only Michael Jordan there ever will be. Kobe is Kobe, Wade is Wade, and LeBron, well, he’s only 21 years old. I think we can wait a few more years to find out who he truly is.
I could list all of Jordan’s accomplishments all of his various MVP honors, All Star game appearances, Olympic Gold Medals, and so on and so forth, but honestly, there’s just not enough room to write it all down. For the record though, it should be known that out of 1,109 games as a Chicago Bull, Jordan scored double digits in all but one game (March 25th, 1986 vs. the Cleveland Cavaliers). But there is one thing that Michael Jordan has, that Kobe Bryant and LeBron James will never have, and that’s a degree from the University of North Carolina.
Oh sure, MJ left college early for the NBA draft in 1984, and was even encouraged to do so by Dean Smith. He did go back in 1986, however, and finish out his degree in cultural geography. Now, I’m not entirely sure what cultural geography is or how it is applied in day to day life, but hey, he’s Michael Jordan. I’m pretty sure the University would have made up a degree just for him.
The number one thing that sets Michael apart from every other basketball player from the past, present, and future is his international stardom. Sure there are other superstars with multimillion dollar Nike contracts and their own brands and logos. But I’m talking about what Michael did not just for himself, his teammates, or the city of Chicago. I’m talking about the impact he had on the entire league. The National Basketball Association has never been more popular than when Michael was on the court. It was obviously less popular before and is still less watched after his final retirement. Even during his “baseball years” the NBA lost some of its fan base.
As long as he was on the court, wearing the now iconic #23 jersey the NBA flourished. But now, even with the LeBron James’s, the Kobe Bryant’s, and the Vince Carter’s the NBA just isn’t as popular as it once was. As I said before, there really is only one Michael Jordan. And that’s the way it’s always going to be.
And on a completely different note, due to my total fanboy love affair for the Transformers franchise, I now leave you with this week’s Transformers quote. Just remember, the new Transformers move comes out in three weeks.
“And the answer is: Unicron… Yes friends, act now, destroy Unicron. Kill the Grand Poobah. Eliminate even the toughest stain.”
-Wreck-Gar
Unfortunately I can’t say that for last night. With only a combined 147 total points, it was the slowest game in history for the finals, save for one other game. And that game was in 1955 when Fort Wayne beat Syracuse 74 to 71. If you know the mascots for these two teams, then you’re truly a better man than I. Heck, my dad wasn’t even born back in 1955.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that last night’s game was boring, incredibly so. Well, if you tuned in for the final say, three minutes, then you saw an exciting, down to the wire, game. But otherwise the game was merely a showcase for bad shooting, balls bouncing out of the rim, and refs forgetting how to call fouls against the Spurs (then again, that’s nothing new, just ask Steve Nash). But hey, the Spurs now have a 3-0 stranglehold on the Finals against the Cavaliers, so I’m happy.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against LeBron James. I mean, he’s younger than me, insanely famous, and Nike gave him $90 million before he played even on single NBA game. But hey, I’m not jealous or anything. Nope, not one bit… But I do have a problem with King James, and it is not in any way his fault. It’s all these stupid announcers and sports writers. For some reason, they keep saying he’s the next Michael Jordan.
Everybody is always looking for the next Michael Jordan, the next “big thing.” At one time they thought it might be Kobe Bryant or even Dwyane Wade. But now, it’s all about LeBron. If I do one thing in my life, I’m going to set the record straight. There is only one Michael Jordan. And he was born in Brooklyn, NY, went to high school in Wilmington, NC, attended the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, scored the game winning shot in the 1982 NCAA Finals and went on to win six, count ‘em, six NBA Championships with the Chicago Bulls. No one else even compares.
Now I might be a bit biased in this view. I was born in Illinois and therefore I have an affinity for Chicago based teams. I might also be biased because I’m an alumnus of Chapel Hill and the name Jordan is still 24 karat gold in that town. Or it might just be that I’m tired of hearing the same old tripe shit from TV announcers and I’m ready to move on already. Michael Jordan is the only Michael Jordan there ever will be. Kobe is Kobe, Wade is Wade, and LeBron, well, he’s only 21 years old. I think we can wait a few more years to find out who he truly is.
I could list all of Jordan’s accomplishments all of his various MVP honors, All Star game appearances, Olympic Gold Medals, and so on and so forth, but honestly, there’s just not enough room to write it all down. For the record though, it should be known that out of 1,109 games as a Chicago Bull, Jordan scored double digits in all but one game (March 25th, 1986 vs. the Cleveland Cavaliers). But there is one thing that Michael Jordan has, that Kobe Bryant and LeBron James will never have, and that’s a degree from the University of North Carolina.
Oh sure, MJ left college early for the NBA draft in 1984, and was even encouraged to do so by Dean Smith. He did go back in 1986, however, and finish out his degree in cultural geography. Now, I’m not entirely sure what cultural geography is or how it is applied in day to day life, but hey, he’s Michael Jordan. I’m pretty sure the University would have made up a degree just for him.
The number one thing that sets Michael apart from every other basketball player from the past, present, and future is his international stardom. Sure there are other superstars with multimillion dollar Nike contracts and their own brands and logos. But I’m talking about what Michael did not just for himself, his teammates, or the city of Chicago. I’m talking about the impact he had on the entire league. The National Basketball Association has never been more popular than when Michael was on the court. It was obviously less popular before and is still less watched after his final retirement. Even during his “baseball years” the NBA lost some of its fan base.
As long as he was on the court, wearing the now iconic #23 jersey the NBA flourished. But now, even with the LeBron James’s, the Kobe Bryant’s, and the Vince Carter’s the NBA just isn’t as popular as it once was. As I said before, there really is only one Michael Jordan. And that’s the way it’s always going to be.
And on a completely different note, due to my total fanboy love affair for the Transformers franchise, I now leave you with this week’s Transformers quote. Just remember, the new Transformers move comes out in three weeks.
“And the answer is: Unicron… Yes friends, act now, destroy Unicron. Kill the Grand Poobah. Eliminate even the toughest stain.”
-Wreck-Gar
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Friend Find, Look Behind
So my friend Anthony is coming over to visit next week. I would say I’m ecstatic to see him. I would also say that it’ll be great catching up on old times since I haven’t had the chance to hang out with him in quite a long while. I would say all that, but let’s be honest, him being here is going to cut in on my Hugh Hefner style parties of which I’m quite renowned. Well, if you take “quite renowned” to mean, “these parties don’t actually exist,” then you’d be correct.
Aside from missing my nonexistent parties, it’s going to be hard to get used to living with someone again, even if it’s only for two weeks. For starters, I’m probably going to have to start wearing pants more often. I hear that’s what the civilized folks are doing these days. Stupid pants are totally overrated. I never really did have much use for them.
Honestly though, I am looking forward to hanging out with Anthony again. He’s a really cool guy, even if he does spend most of his time making fun of me and belittling my lifestyle. That’s ok though, he’s a year older than me so with all the negative comments, he really sounds a lot like my older brother. What can I say? Anthony is pretty much like family to me.
He’ll be here this coming Monday. So this weekend, which will most likely be busy in its own right, I’ll have to make some time to clean out the bathroom, which will most likely require an industrial sized cask of bleach to finish. It’s been a while. Then I’ll have to clean out the dirty dishes in the sink, something I avoid doing almost as much as I avoid meaningful relationships. I should probably also pick up all of the dirty clothes scattered throughout my apartment. I’m not entirely sure why or how I got a pair of used boxers on top of the entertainment center in the living room… but I’m pretty sure they need to be removed. Eh, I’ll get around to it eventually.
Anthony’s coming into town so he can do a stint at teaching Drivers Ed, which apparently pays well when you’re used to a public high school teacher’s salary like he is. Not sure if I could teach public high school myself. I mean, my mother does it, and she seems to do just fine, but I don’t exactly have the attention span for it myself. I’d probably feel the need to physically abuse my students, because well, they’re high schoolers, and high school kids are by definition stupid. Hey I was there once, I remember what I was like.
That’s not to say that I wasn’t an idiot in high school myself. I was. In fact, I’m still an idiot now. But that’s okay, I’ve come to terms with that. I’ve also had some minor success in being able to hide my latent idiocy from a select portion of the female population. Honestly, there are some girls out there who actually enjoy being in my company. I don’t exactly understand it, it does have a tendency to baffle the mind. But hey, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when she’s got boobs that I could be staring at instead.
But back to the matter at hand. I have approximately eleven days (or somewhere close to that) where I will once again be sharing my living quarters with a roommate. Now this shouldn’t be much of a problem seeing as how I lived with Anthony for two years while in college. But those were different days. Back then I drank obsessively, did my best to piss off women, and played excessive amounts of Nintendo. Huh, come to think of it, that really isn’t much different than what I do now.
Ok, so maybe I’m still the same in many respects, but I have gotten used to living all on my lonesome these past 18 months or so. Having to share a bathroom (not to mention the hot water) isn’t something I’ve been comfortable with in a long, long time. It shouldn’t be too hard to cope with, I mean, I did grow up with an older brother, how could Anthony be any worse? At least I won’t have to go hiding the cold root beer in the vegetable crisper just so he won’t drink the last one. Yeah, I had to resort to the friggin vegetable cripser so I could actually have a refreshing beverage when I wanted it. It may have been tough growing up at times, but I adapted. I did survive.
Now I’m not here to say that my brother was a mean overlord during my childhood, or that Anthony was an overbearing fraternity brother, because they most certainly were not. I have used a literary device called hyperbole, which is a gross exaggeration used in this case to promote humor. And now that I’ve explained it, I’ve killed the joke. Seriously though, I did hide bottles of IBC Root Beer and even some Cherry Coke in the vegetable crisper to keep them from my brother. He always drank the last bottle and never bothered to restock the fridge. He’s just an ass like that.
So, like I said before, I’m really looking forward to seeing my friend Anthony again. I’m not exactly sure why though. I mean, after going over everything above, why should I be excited? It might have something to do with the fact that whenever I get together with old college buddies we end up drinking, a lot. Not that I need to hang out with old friends to drink, because I certainly don’t. But I’m always up for an excuse for more alcohol. I just have to figure out who’s going to be the designated driver. Well, I could try to convince Anthony’s girlfriend to come over too. She has some practical experience driving our worthless drunken behinds around all night.
Oh, and for those of you not keeping track, the new Transformers Movie comes out in less than a month. Four weeks from today, to be precise. I firmly believe that it is my civic duty to remind you of that each and every week. In celebration of the 1980’s greatest franchise (and quite possibly the greatest franchise of all time), I’m going to leave you with a quote each week. I’m sure that the more astute of you dear readers out there will recognize these quotes immediate. For those of you who don’t, well let’s just say that I find you lacking in your education.
“Listen Ironhide, we don’t have enough energon cubes to power a full scale assault. Ready the shuttle for launch!… Now all we need is a little energon and a lot of luck.”
-Optimus Prime
Aside from missing my nonexistent parties, it’s going to be hard to get used to living with someone again, even if it’s only for two weeks. For starters, I’m probably going to have to start wearing pants more often. I hear that’s what the civilized folks are doing these days. Stupid pants are totally overrated. I never really did have much use for them.
Honestly though, I am looking forward to hanging out with Anthony again. He’s a really cool guy, even if he does spend most of his time making fun of me and belittling my lifestyle. That’s ok though, he’s a year older than me so with all the negative comments, he really sounds a lot like my older brother. What can I say? Anthony is pretty much like family to me.
He’ll be here this coming Monday. So this weekend, which will most likely be busy in its own right, I’ll have to make some time to clean out the bathroom, which will most likely require an industrial sized cask of bleach to finish. It’s been a while. Then I’ll have to clean out the dirty dishes in the sink, something I avoid doing almost as much as I avoid meaningful relationships. I should probably also pick up all of the dirty clothes scattered throughout my apartment. I’m not entirely sure why or how I got a pair of used boxers on top of the entertainment center in the living room… but I’m pretty sure they need to be removed. Eh, I’ll get around to it eventually.
Anthony’s coming into town so he can do a stint at teaching Drivers Ed, which apparently pays well when you’re used to a public high school teacher’s salary like he is. Not sure if I could teach public high school myself. I mean, my mother does it, and she seems to do just fine, but I don’t exactly have the attention span for it myself. I’d probably feel the need to physically abuse my students, because well, they’re high schoolers, and high school kids are by definition stupid. Hey I was there once, I remember what I was like.
That’s not to say that I wasn’t an idiot in high school myself. I was. In fact, I’m still an idiot now. But that’s okay, I’ve come to terms with that. I’ve also had some minor success in being able to hide my latent idiocy from a select portion of the female population. Honestly, there are some girls out there who actually enjoy being in my company. I don’t exactly understand it, it does have a tendency to baffle the mind. But hey, I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when she’s got boobs that I could be staring at instead.
But back to the matter at hand. I have approximately eleven days (or somewhere close to that) where I will once again be sharing my living quarters with a roommate. Now this shouldn’t be much of a problem seeing as how I lived with Anthony for two years while in college. But those were different days. Back then I drank obsessively, did my best to piss off women, and played excessive amounts of Nintendo. Huh, come to think of it, that really isn’t much different than what I do now.
Ok, so maybe I’m still the same in many respects, but I have gotten used to living all on my lonesome these past 18 months or so. Having to share a bathroom (not to mention the hot water) isn’t something I’ve been comfortable with in a long, long time. It shouldn’t be too hard to cope with, I mean, I did grow up with an older brother, how could Anthony be any worse? At least I won’t have to go hiding the cold root beer in the vegetable crisper just so he won’t drink the last one. Yeah, I had to resort to the friggin vegetable cripser so I could actually have a refreshing beverage when I wanted it. It may have been tough growing up at times, but I adapted. I did survive.
Now I’m not here to say that my brother was a mean overlord during my childhood, or that Anthony was an overbearing fraternity brother, because they most certainly were not. I have used a literary device called hyperbole, which is a gross exaggeration used in this case to promote humor. And now that I’ve explained it, I’ve killed the joke. Seriously though, I did hide bottles of IBC Root Beer and even some Cherry Coke in the vegetable crisper to keep them from my brother. He always drank the last bottle and never bothered to restock the fridge. He’s just an ass like that.
So, like I said before, I’m really looking forward to seeing my friend Anthony again. I’m not exactly sure why though. I mean, after going over everything above, why should I be excited? It might have something to do with the fact that whenever I get together with old college buddies we end up drinking, a lot. Not that I need to hang out with old friends to drink, because I certainly don’t. But I’m always up for an excuse for more alcohol. I just have to figure out who’s going to be the designated driver. Well, I could try to convince Anthony’s girlfriend to come over too. She has some practical experience driving our worthless drunken behinds around all night.
Oh, and for those of you not keeping track, the new Transformers Movie comes out in less than a month. Four weeks from today, to be precise. I firmly believe that it is my civic duty to remind you of that each and every week. In celebration of the 1980’s greatest franchise (and quite possibly the greatest franchise of all time), I’m going to leave you with a quote each week. I’m sure that the more astute of you dear readers out there will recognize these quotes immediate. For those of you who don’t, well let’s just say that I find you lacking in your education.
“Listen Ironhide, we don’t have enough energon cubes to power a full scale assault. Ready the shuttle for launch!… Now all we need is a little energon and a lot of luck.”
-Optimus Prime
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