One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Whiskey

As you very well may know, I enjoy the degenerative pleasures in life, mainly stemming from my fascination of all things related to alcohol. And as such, I am devoted to many areas of exploration within the land of alcohol related products. Previously I have delved into the realms of beer and wine, but now I think it is time to take a much closer look at the world of liquor.

See, this past Friday I had a little bit of time off and didn’t exactly know what to do with myself. Seeing as how everyone else was busy (and didn’t want an alcoholic asshole tagging along), I decided to do something I’ve been meaning to do for a little while now. I decided to try to devise some new drinks. Now I know that there are literally thousands of drink recipes out on the web, and most mixtures of alcohol have already been tried before. But I was dealing with some brand new liquors that had just hit the market and had yet to be publicized in new drinks.

Bacardi recently released its Grand Melon Rum while Stolichnaya released its Stoli Blueberi Vodka. Both of these seemed interesting to me, so I went and picked up a bottle of each. The Bacardi Grand Melon actually has a very strong watermelon flavor which makes it much sweeter than a normal rum. This will probably be used in sweeter, fruitier cocktails than your regular and boring rum and coke. The Stoli Blueberi also has a strong blueberry flavor that, as a lover of blueberries, I was quite pleased with. But the liquor still acts like a normal vodka leaving me to believe it can be interchanged in recipes where regular or other flavored vodkas are used.

Now, there are a few things you need to know when playing around and mixing new drinks in your own home. First off, you have to have a decent variety of liquors and these liquors have to be capable of melding together. That means having tequila, vodka, rum and whiskey is not enough! Seriously, trying to mix tequila and whiskey is just disaster. So make sure you get some nice cordials, like some Kahlua, Bailey’s, peach schnapps, raspberry schnapps, crème de cocoa, triple sec, and an assortment of flavored rums, vodkas and brandies. Now you don’t have to have all of this, but it does help to think about what liquors you’ll be mixing together when you go shopping. As I said before, mixing whiskey and tequila is a bad, BAD idea, trust me. You don’t want to know why I already have that knowledge.

That being said, there are a few more important things to know. Mixers, non-alcoholic ingredients you mix in to drinks to influence the taste, are important. Forget the coke, it’s only good for a rum and coke, and that’s pretty boring. But sprite, or 7-up, can mix pretty well in some cocktails. You will also need orange juice, pineapple juice, cranberry juice, sour mix (home made or store bought), ginger ale, club soda, tonic water, and (my personal favorite) white cranberry juice. Oh, and don’t forget that it might be a good idea to spend a little bit more money when shopping. When it comes to liquors, upgrading to the mid-grade stuff, $12-$15 a bottle, will not only taste better, but also leave you with less problems in the morning.

Ok, so back to Friday night. I had my large assortment of liquors, a decent amount of mixers, and a great imagination. So I was ready to go. Of course, my first couple of drinks didn’t turn out quite the way I wanted them to. That’s ok, this is why I was experimenting, trying to fool around until something worked right. And don’t worry if your drink doesn’t come out perfect, the worst case scenario is that if it sucks, you have to drink it. And we all know what happens when you drink alcohol… that’s right, you get drunk! And who can complain about that?

A few drinks I made, I think were ok on the ingredients, but I still need to work on the proportions. I was making smaller drinks and just eyeballing the amounts that went in, which is ok in an informal environment. But if you want to take special care in making your drinks, you need to measure the amounts properly with a jigger. I don’t own a jigger, so I used my eyes, which are notoriously not perfect. Hey my vision may be less than 20/20, but I’m still good enough to drive without glasses legally. This makes you wonder how safe our roads are if a guy like me with crappy eyes can drive around unimpeded.

Although, I did do something important that night, I recorded every drink I made. I have ten drinks that I came up with written down in my notebook. Each drink has a number, the liquors and mixers used, and a few notes written about the flavor and characteristics of the cocktail. Of course, I haven’t gotten around to naming any of the drinks, even though about half of them probably aren’t good enough to need names yet. I thought briefly about naming drinks after comic book characters. For instance: the Dirty Wolverine, the Blue Bishop, or the Raspberry Shocker. But I’m a little bit afraid that Marvel Comics might sue me over copyright infringement or something like that. So I’m stuck on names. I’ll let someone else name them. I’ll focus on creating them and drinking them… and drinking more of them. Hey, it’s what I’m good at.

I have to say, my night of mixing and drinking was at least on some level, a success. I did come up with a chocolate blueberry like drink, and a couple of fruity watermelon rum drinks. So all in all, it was not a bad night. Although, I do wish I had a few people with me to help sample the drinks so I could have more opinions. Having a lady or two handy to sample my fruity drinks would have been very helpful seeing as how I don’t usually drink that girly type stuff. Also, I’m never opposed to being surround by drunken females. Usually, I only drink whiskey. In fact, I’ve been drinking a Mint Julep the entire time I’ve been writing this article. And let me tell you, it tastes absolutely wonderful (and if you don’t know what a Mint Julep is, well, you’re missing out).

Once again, I remain dedicated to you, devising new drinks and test tasting them for the public at large. Thanks to me, you will now have new drinks to try out at parties and your favorite bar. Just remember to always enjoy your drinks responsibly. And by this I mean that you should use real glassware as it won’t detract from the flavor like plastic can. Oh, and use high quality liquors, they won’t make you feel as bad in the morning. There’s something about a designated driver or something like that… but it’s a bunch of phooey. From my personal experience, if you pass out in a bush on your host’s front lawn, the next time he’ll pay for your cab ride home. Most people don’t like hung over drunks posing as lawn ornaments. Just one life lesson that I’m passing on to you.