Beer or Wine? Either Way, You’re Drunk.

According to a recent Gallup Poll, the amount of people in America who prefer wine as their alcohol of choice now equals that of beer. This is a big change since beer has long been the favorite spirit for American drinkers. Unlike most people, I saw this shift coming. All you have to do is look at the biggest alcoholics in the country, college students. Apparently keg parties are no longer in style. It’s the boxed wine party that’s all the rage at the frat houses these days. And forget your beer bong, just drink straight from the wine bottle. Just imagine the youth of America doing keg stands on boxes of cheap wine. Hey, it’s possible.

The study goes on to state that Americans’ taste in wine has changed as well. It seems we now enjoy the cheaper, less sophisticated wine. Yet, beer drinks have been switching to the more expensive, more developed microbrews. Why is this? People now realize that drinking wine gets you drunk. Amazing. It doesn’t matter if you know the difference between a pinot grigio and a pinot noir, because a three-dollar bottle of wine is more than enough to make you forget the worries of your day.

But why the change in beer preferences? Why does the exact opposite happen to beer drinkers? The answer is much more complicated. Apparently, people like to drink things that taste good. Ok, maybe that wasn’t so complicated. Less people are drinking beer for the sole purpose of getting drunk. Nowadays, people drink beer for enjoyment, and as such, they want an enjoyable beer to drink. Cheap beer isn’t exactly tasty. It’s more like refuse from a third grade science project gone wrong. You might as well pay the extra fifty cents a bottle to drink something that is actually fit to go down a human throat.

I think we need to look at the bigger picture here. Our society is changing. We are no longer the beer guzzling, burger eating alcoholics we once were. We have evolved. We are now calamari eating alcoholic winos. And yes, I’m sure this is a step up. No more beer guts for the guys. And I’m sure wine-breath smells much nicer than beer-breath. You can also thank wine for not being carbonated like beer, hence no belching.

So, I say to you: its time to jump on the bandwagon. This Sunday, when you’re getting together with the guys to watch football, why not bring over a bottle of wine or two instead of the usual six pack? Just don’t worry about bringing the wine glasses. Wine tastes just as well out of a pint glass as it does out of a wine glass, and you can fit more into a pint glass. I’m perfectly sure that none of your friends will laugh at you. And by that I mean that they will laugh at you, a lot. Just remind them that they all have beer bellies, and you don’t.

In this low carb age, liquor has become more popular. Both beer and wine are loaded with carbs, but liquor, depending on the type, isn’t. Single malt scotch, for example, has absolutely no carbs. Of course, with liquor you must be watchful of your mixer since it can add a lot of carbs to your drink. The usual soda or fruit juices aren’t an option anymore. For scotch, that isn’t a problem, you are supposed to drink it by itself or with a splash of water. But what to do with vodka? Vodka and water just doesn’t go together well. Yet vodka and skim milk does go together. Well, maybe not, but it’s better than vodka and water. And not only are you avoiding carbs, but you’re getting some well-deserved calcium as well. See, alcohol can be very healthy as well as intoxicating.

If you do decide to drink, no matter what your potable of choice is, I must urge you to do one thing. It is most vital to the safety and welfare of our nation. Please, when drinking, buy domestic. If you’re going to be killing your brain cells and lowering your inhibitions for no good reason, the least you could do is to think of the American economy, and all those hard working folks that labor day after day to bring you the much needed booze that you desire. The men and women who work in the breweries and distilleries and wineries have kids and spouses to take care of. They are planning for college and retirement, and they can’t do it without your hard earned dollars. Buying domestic brands makes a difference. Yes, even as an alcoholic, you can make a difference.